He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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