first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
