Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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