i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
