I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
