Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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