it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
