haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
