It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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