so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
