ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
