Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
