do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
