Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
