I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
