and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
