You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
