After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
