i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
