yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
