I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
