Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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