whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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