He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
