drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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