I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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