Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
