By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
