Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
