I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
50% drunk capacity currently
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
