My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
