Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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