Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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