Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
