my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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