guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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