his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
