I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
