i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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