yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
