she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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