Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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