dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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