porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
