new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
