Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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