is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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