i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
