Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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