i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Text me some of your sweat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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