Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
