Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
