Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
