U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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